I know I owe my family shower – the one my mom, dad, brother and his girlfriend worked so hard to make happen – an entry. Until I can get there, let me just write this: It was fabulous, wonderful and perfect in every way. Never underestimate how great it is to be surrounded by family. No pressure to impress anyone. Easy conversation. And a lot of love.
Today, however, I have to get something of chest …
Ever heard the old saying, “Fake it until you make it”?
I’m sure you have.
Well, that’s the mode I’m operating in right now.
Now that we’re two weeks away from Wee One’s birth, I’ve been getting a lot of questions like:
“Are you ready?”
“Do you have everything you need?”
“Do you have everything figured out?”
I know people are asking to be polite, so I throw out some lame response like, “As ready as we can be, I guess.”
But what I really want to say is, “Come on! Is anyone ever truly prepared? Hell no.”
In 14 days we’ll be responsible for this tiny human whose cries are his only form of communication. That’s extremely scary.
In fact, it kinda makes me want to vomit.
We can anticipate things we’ll need, what we’ll do when “this” happens, and how we want to parent. But the truth is, we’re going to flounder our way through this just like everyone else.
If I appear calm, cool and collected on the outside, I promise it’s a fake out.
I’m shaking like a leaf on the inside.
I’m the queen of “What if …?” scenarios. And I have about 1,000 running through my mind at any given moment.
Perfect example: I’m still sleeping through the night (with the exception of waking maybe once to roll over) and wake every morning thinking, “What if I sleep like this after he’s born and don’t hear him cry?”
Don’t tell me other first time moms don’t have thoughts like that. I’ll know you’re fibbing. 😛
So. Yeah. I’m scared shitless.
At the same time, I just want him to be here already. Weird.
We’re officially scheduled for delivery at 7:30 a.m. on Tues., Sept. 16.
I’m very excited because after delivery we get to stay together as a family. As long as Wee One doesn’t have breathing issues, both he and Hubby will go with me to recovery. That means skin-to-skin and breastfeeding attempts right away. Woohoo!!
Next Tuesday we’ll have our last growth scan before delivery. I can’t wait to see how much he’s estimated to weigh. I haven’t been weighing myself at home – and refuse to look at the scale at each appointment – so I have no idea how much (if any) weight I’m gaining. But, I’m guessing he’ll be close to six pounds, if not over. 🙂