Wee One and I are past the critical point in pregnancy. That’s right. Today marked the beginning of the second trimester. Woohoo!
I celebrated with a visit to Dr. GL’s office for test results and a blood pressure check. The 24-hour urine test and genetic screenings all came back fine. Yay! We also talked about my anxiety medication. I explained to him it had been a rough two weeks – and that I’d been extremely emotional (something that I hadn’t been so far). He told me it likely wasn’t pregnancy hormones at this point and more of a symptom of reducing the medication.
We agreed the benefits of continuing to take it far outweigh the potential risks. And, honestly, I’m relieved.
I’m obviously not ashamed to discuss my physical or mental health, so I’ll just tell you the medicine does wonders for helping me control my emotions (without making me a zombie) and also virtually eliminates the racing thoughts which often lead to excessive worrying.
So, yeah, I’m relieved I can continue taking it.
Since the Wee One is still so tiny (only about the size of my fist), Dr. GL had trouble hearing the heart rate with the Doppler which was good for me because I got an ultrasound! Who’s going to turn that down? Haha!
Wee One’s heart rate was 162 BPM. Holding steady there, munchkin. 🙂
Speaking of heart rates, I’m going to write this and hope I don’t come off sounding like a douche bag, but I may fail miserably. Just know it isn’t my intent. Sometimes I simply struggle to find the proper words.
Oh. And read this before you judge me.
I’ve always believed Randy and I would have a baby boy. Before having the fertility massage and energy work with Heather, that belief was based on nothing more than a silly wives tale. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. Someone dangles a pencil above your wrist and the movement (as well as duration) indicates the sex and number of children you’ll have.
A co-worker performed this test on me twice (years apart) and both times it indicated one boy.
Then, of course, I met our spirit baby and it, too, was a boy. Heather felt it as well.
You might say I’ve become preoccupied (even convinced) the Wee One in my womb is none other than a boy.
But the reality of it is, this baby could be a girl.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I’m still not, but I at least have some perspective on where my feelings come from.
Somewhere along the way I developed this silly notion that I’m responsible for carrying on my husband’s family name. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but in case I haven’t… Hubby has a 19-year-old son he didn’t meet until five years ago. Long story. Anyway, his son shares the same last name as his mom. In addition, Hubby’s sister doesn’t have children. With us being one and done, I subconsciously decided we’d have a boy to keep the name going.
On a personal note, I’m not even sure what to do with a girl. I am one, of course, but I’m not a girly girl. Never have been. It terrifies me to think I could have this little girl who loves hair, fashion and cheerleading … all concepts that are foreign to me.
While I’m still working through the emotions, I am glad I took the time to recognize them. To own them, if you will. It helped me realize WHY I had these premature feelings of disappointment, as well as to see how flawed the thoughts are.
When we get down to the nitty gritty, this is still my child and I will love it unconditionally. I just have a bit of growing up to do between now and the end of September. 😛