The one you (may) want to read

I know things have been quiet around here, but it’s with good reason.

You see, on Tues., Feb. 4, 2014, THIS happened.

Go ahead. Click on it. Then, if you want, read on.

——————

Yes, that is a positive pregnancy test … MY positive pregnancy test.

Fresh out of first morning urine (in a cup), that thing was positive in about 2.2 seconds.

I stood in the bathroom and simply stared at my reflection in the mirror. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me.

Oh.my.god. I’m pregnant.

I sent a flurry of text messages to several close friends and then I ran outside … in the snow … in my bare feet … to greet my husband with the news as he arrived home from work.

The ever calm, realistic man had this to say:

“I was wondering why there were no [feminine hygiene] wrappers in the trash can this month.”

True story.

As soon as the office was open, I called Dr. GL and asked to schedule an appointment for a blood test. I was floored when the tech told me I could come whenever I wanted.

Are you kidding? I’m coming right now!

About two hours later I got the call.

“Lindsay? Congratulations! You’re pregnant.”

Just wow.

For those who are curious, my HCG levels on Feb. 4 were 560. Everyone – including Dr. GL – seemed surprised (?) and elated by that. And, thankfully, the repeat blood test on Feb. 6 showed my levels had more than doubled.

I only vaguely understand why they would be happy with those level so I just decided to take their word that all was well.

While I could have simply chosen an OB and made an appointment, I followed the route I felt most comfortable with. Calling Dr. GL’s office was instinct, actually. Also, since we weren’t sure how functional my tube was initially, I wanted to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I was also concerned another cystadenoma had formed since my surgery in July, and I wanted to talk with him about how it could potentially affect my pregnancy. Turns out it’s just a corpus lutem cyst which sustains the pregnancy in those critical first weeks.

I know I said I would be an open book once I got pregnant, but reality is SO much different than a hypothetical situation.

We did tell our closest friends, parents and siblings the week we found out. Initially, I told my parents we’d be ready to broadcast on Thursday (Feb. 6), as long as the numbers came back okay. But I reneged on the deal.

As difficult as it was for me to keep this secret for three weeks, I just wasn’t comfortable sharing with the world until we had the first ultrasound. Trust me, though, it was eating me alive! I’m a talker. I’m one of those people who will spill her guts to a stranger (yeah, I know, annoying!). I wanted to shout our wonderful news from the rooftops.

But I was scared. Scared that if I told everyone it would somehow damage the new life forming inside me. Totally irrational, but I just couldn’t do it.

It’s a good thing, too, because I’ve been neurotic.

I spent almost 21 days …

… checking for blood when I used the bathroom.

… wondering if my little orange seed/sweet pea/blueberry was still alive.

… smashing my boobs to see if they were sore

… Googling every twinge to see if it was normal.

… as well as Googling to see if it was normal to have no symptoms at all.

Neurotic, yes, and TOTALLY normal behavior for a pregnant woman. The Internet and books tell me so, anyway. My husband still thinks I’m nuts. 😛

Those initial fears (which I’m sure will be replaced with new ones soon enough) were put to rest today.

Hubby and I saw our little miracle (and its heartbeat) during a tansvaginal ultrasound. It was the cutest little thing.

I’m officially 7 weeks and the Wee One measured 10.58 mm (or 7w1d, so not far off!).

So … YAY!!

We’ve already been happily bombarded by the usual pregnancy questions. While I’m here, let me save everyone some time:

How are you feeling?

So far so good! I made several comments over the last three weeks that I don’t feel pregnant. It’s both a curse (because I was so nervous something was wrong) and a blessing. Sunday night and Monday morning I did have some slight queasiness, but nothing unbearable. I also get terrible acid reflux, but it’s nothing Tums can’t alleviate for now.

Why are you telling everyone so early?
Honestly? Because we were ready. And I can’t keep my mouth shut anyway. At this point, if God forbid something should happen, we’d be comfortable sharing that news as well.

Are you having it naturally?

Nope. This one will be delivered via c-section. Why? Well, that pesky fibroid Dr. GL removed last July also took some of my uterine muscles with it. It would be risky to proceed with vaginal delivery. I’m comfortable with the decision and am glad I was told up front that’s what would be safest.

Are you going to breast feed?

Yes. BUT, I’m well aware that breastfeeding doesn’t always come naturally for some moms and babies. Wee One and I will give it our best shot; however, if it’s not working and he/she is not getting enough to eat, I will not hesitate to supplement or switch to formula. The health of my baby (as well as my own – and my sanity) is of utmost importance. Period.

What gender are you hoping for?

Healthy? Why isn’t that an option? Look, it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl. We’re simply thankful I’m pregnant. For what it’s worth, though, I think it’s a boy.

Will you find out the gender?

Ha! If you know me at all, surely you realize waiting until the baby is born is NOT an option. And, yes, we’ll let all of you know as well.

What about names?

It’s a little too early to REALLY be discussing names, but I’ve started a list. No, we will not be sharing the chosen name until after the baby is born. Period. End of story.

——————————-

Now for a little PSA …

It’s almost a plea, really. While it’s true I got pregnant on an off-cycle, please don’t turn this into a “I know a girl who took two rounds of Clomid and got pregnant without meds” story. Those types of comments, even when they are well-meaning, belittle those struggling with infertility (or who haven’t been diagnosed but are frustrated with their TTC journey). Those stories unintentionally make couples feel as though their problems aren’t valid. Those stories are part of the reason women and men live in infertility shame. If you find yourself wanting to share my story, please provide a link to my blog. Thank you!

As far as the blog goes, I haven’t decided what I want to do with it yet. I know this was likely a difficult post for some of my readers to finish (Huge *hugs* to all of you), so I need to take that into consideration. For the time being, I’m just going to enjoy the ride. Haha!

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