Now that I’ve spilled the beans about Wee One, I’d like to talk about a few things weighing on my mind.
I’m really struggling with the idea that I was seeking treatment for infertility one month and then pregnant without medication the next.
It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining, but it seems so surreal.
I even let the thought of “Maybe I wasn’t really infertile…” run through my head several times. Of course, that led me to other negative, unhealthy thoughts. To switch my thinking gears, I decided it would be best to look at the entire journey as opposed to the final outcome.
Clinically speaking, infertility is “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.”
We actively tried for 17 months. And not just random intercourse hoping to catch the egg. We’re talking charting, temperature taking, OPKs, and planning the most unromantic sexual escapades.
Also, if I hadn’t insisted something was wrong at the eight-month mark …
…I’d still have fibroids impeding conception. I can still remember Dr. GL telling me, “It’s [pregnancy] not going to happen” unless I had the laparoscopy.
…I’d still have the huge cyst that, if my research is any indication, could have eventually resulted in torsion of my ovary/tube. Then where would we be?
So, yeah, I had issues with my reproductive system.
I’m one of those people who needs tangible evidence as to why things happen. It’s very difficult for me to simply “have faith.” As a consequence, I’ve been craving a logical explanation for why I got pregnant when I did.
Let’s face it, though, that ain’t gonna happen. Unless you count Sperm Met Egg: A Love Story. 😉
I finally realized I need to let it go (that’s a lesson I learn and re-learn ALL.THE.TIME) and decided to look back on the cycle to see if anything stood out as being “different.”
When Dr. GL refused to start another cycle of Clomid because my blood pressure was too high, I was pissed. I have no idea why it bothered me so much – especially when he was completely justified – except that it forced me to confront health issues (lack of weight loss and blood pressure) I’d been avoiding. As I wrote before, January was a month of determination. I was determined to be stricter with my diet. I was determined to eat healthier foods. And, yes, I was determined to get pregnant without medication.
Did I honestly think any of it would work?
I don’t truly know, but it did.
Where the pregnancy is concerned, I need to give a huge shout out to my friend Heather. Her love, support and guidance has been invaluable! This wonderful woman is a fertility massage specialist, advocate of conscious conception, and the one who helped me connect with our spirit baby. She’s also the one who told me I needed to “believe in the magic” of creating a new life. Without the pressure of pills and ultrasounds, I truly embraced conceiving naturally. I cleansed my reproductive system with castor oil packs; I drank fertility tea, and I spent some time communicating with our spirit baby (although not as much as I would have liked).
I can only surmise that our spirit baby was finally ready to join us.
While the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of new emotions, I’m so glad this is where we ended up. Onto a new chapter.
Disclaimer: You already know I got pregnant in an off-cycle, so I’m not going to hide what I did differently. I’d really be a fraud if I did. If spirit babies and conscious conception interest you, I encourage you to seek out experts in your area. However, infertility is still a disease. It still requires proper medical attention. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Mmmmkay? Mmmmkay.