I want to POAS

I am supposed to be napping right now. And by supposed to I mean, “I’m an adult and I want to sleep. So nap time it is!”

But I keep thinking about the FRER pregnancy test in the bathroom and how I want to be like an animal (mainly a male dog) and pee on it.

I did so well this cycle not obsessing. I really committed myself to eliminating the stress even during what little bit of downtime I had.

Now, though, I’m reaching the Impatient Point where AF is 48 hours or less away from arriving and I have this constant internal dialogue that goes something like this:

AF always comes. Why would this time be different? But what if this is THE time? Stop being so negative. But if it isn’t the time, at least I can move on instead of “waiting.” But those dumb tests are so expensive! I don’t want to waste the money. But it’s not a waste of money of it’s positive… and it might just be!

But but but but but…

My husband gets so upset with me because he doesn’t understand why I don’t just wait until I’m late.

Although I’d never say this out loud (maybe), I think to myself, “Okay, buddy, you switch places with me and go through this shit every month and we’ll see what you have to say then.”

I bet he would be peeing on every stick he could find – whether it would turn colors or not.

But I digress.

Does anyone else go through this month after month? How do you learn to ignore those hopeful AND pessimistic voices?

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4 thoughts on “I want to POAS

  1. Christine says:

    When TTC I pee obsessively. And I mean OBSESSIVELY. I have not one, not two, not three – but FIVE positive tests sitting upstairs from this baby! FIVE! If my kids can’t go to college on my dime it’s because I blew my life savings on FRER tests.

    Seriously though, I test early because I have known issues with progesterone. The earlier I find out, the better chance I can get tested and find out if my progesterone is high enough to carry a baby or not. There is always the chance for me that my progesterone will fall low enough that my body will miscarry by mistake because it thinks I’m not pregnant when I am. With the 50% failure rate I’m currently running for Hurley babies, everything that I can get checked, I do. Average progesterone levels for babies that miscarry is 14 or less. Anything at 12 or less has a significantly higher chance of miscarriage. With Addison it was not high enough and I likely would have lost her had I not tested early – at 10 DPO it was only 9 and it’s supposed to be in the mid 20s. With my second miscarriage the progesterone level peaked at 13, and it turned out to be a “chemical” pregnancy.

    If progesterone is 25 or higher, there is only have a 2.5% chance of miscarrying, and last it was checked I’m sitting at 24.5 (which was at just two or three days late.) Feeling cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy, hoping that it sticks!

    I also have five tests sitting upstairs because I also like to pee on things. 😉 Secretly I enjoy using OPKs because I get to pee on lots of things for several days a month. HAHA! FRERs are especially evil… they whisper to me in the dead of night, when I know I’ve held my pee long enough for it to show up… there is nothing like the thrill (and total disbelief) when that second line starts to show. This pregnancy I peed at 10 DPO and it was snow white – then I peed at 13 DPO (with mid-morning pee no less) and was SHOCKED when the line came up. It wasn’t even a squinter, it was a REAL line! No tweaking – I could hold it at arm’s length and see it!

    My vote is PEE! As long as you are emotionally ready to handle the results one way or another, pee. You can always buy more tests later. Of course, I’m a notorious POAS pusher, so I’m no help. But whatever happens, TELL ME THE RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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