I am supposed to be napping right now. And by supposed to I mean, “I’m an adult and I want to sleep. So nap time it is!”
But I keep thinking about the FRER pregnancy test in the bathroom and how I want to be like an animal (mainly a male dog) and pee on it.
I did so well this cycle not obsessing. I really committed myself to eliminating the stress even during what little bit of downtime I had.
Now, though, I’m reaching the Impatient Point where AF is 48 hours or less away from arriving and I have this constant internal dialogue that goes something like this:
AF always comes. Why would this time be different? But what if this is THE time? Stop being so negative. But if it isn’t the time, at least I can move on instead of “waiting.” But those dumb tests are so expensive! I don’t want to waste the money. But it’s not a waste of money of it’s positive… and it might just be!
But but but but but…
My husband gets so upset with me because he doesn’t understand why I don’t just wait until I’m late.
Although I’d never say this out loud (maybe), I think to myself, “Okay, buddy, you switch places with me and go through this shit every month and we’ll see what you have to say then.”
I bet he would be peeing on every stick he could find – whether it would turn colors or not.
But I digress.
Does anyone else go through this month after month? How do you learn to ignore those hopeful AND pessimistic voices?