Makin’ lemonade

Life handed us several large lemons this week.

At one point I thought to myself, “Seriously, why do ‘bad’ things seem to happen in multiples? Why can’t they just happen one at a time?”

The only answer I can come up with is … You can’t make lemonade with just one lemon.

How’s that for perspective? 😉

First, since this will take up the least amount of blog inches, buying a house is one of the most frustrating experiences of my life.

We finally heard from our bank and it seems the house we want will not qualify for the loan we hoped to get. It’s a rather innocuous technicality in my mind, but the bank says otherwise. And, unfortunately, our bank didn’t have other suitable loans for us to pursue.

So we’re left without a lender, without a mortgage, several new questions about the property and a realtor who is skating on thin ice.

People keep telling us to walk away, but they should really know better. I fight for what I want, and what I want is this house (and accompanying property). If we exhaust all options without a satisfactory resolution, then I’ll be able to walk away without regrets. Until then, we’re going to continue to move forward.

Speaking of fighting for what you want, it looks like another cycle of Clomid is in our future.

Since I ovulated on CD10 and my luteal phase (LP) is normally 13 days, I went to bed last night anxiously waiting to take a pregnancy test this morning. I even ventured out of my comfort zone and confided in Randy during dinner that I thought this cycle was going to be different – especially since I was overcome by nausea while making breakfast yesterday morning.

While standing in the office kitchen making oatmeal I was suddenly overcome with this wave of nausea. Hot flash, stomach spasm, just waiting for my mouth to water nausea. I’d never felt anything like it. It only lasted two minutes or so – and didn’t return the rest of the day – but it struck me as odd.

At first I blamed it on my vitamins, but then I reminded myself that I’m taking the same medications that I’ve been taking for over a year. Why would today be different?

It gave me an extra glimmer of hope.

Alas, it was all for naught.

The early response test provided another BFN this morning.

And oh boy did I cry.

Let’s be honest, getting pregnant this cycle would have been as close to immaculate conception as it gets on Earth. Hahaha! Given this was our first medicated cycle, we made the best of the earlier-than-expected ovulation and I give us an A for Effort.

It just wasn’t our time. But, I did allow myself a moment (or two) to wonder, “When will it be? When will what we’re doing (medication, exercise, healthy diet, etc.) be enough?”

Soon. It will be soon.

I have to admit, though, I’m wrestling with some hurt feelings.

I’m upset that Dr. CP (or Dr. GL for that matter) didn’t take the time to go over how Clomid could affect my cycle. I feel like that should have been high on the priority list since I’d never used the medication before.

However, I’m even more upset with myself for not asking questions. I would then have known there is a potential for early ovulation AND a lengthened luteal phase – both of which happened to me.

But, hey, I guess at least now I know. Everything happens for a reason, right?

With that said, I really debated about whether to take Clomid again this cycle.

Not because I was overwhelmed with side effects (I wasn’t) or because it didn’t work (Clearly, it did), but because fertility treatments are expensive, y’all.

It costs me $500 out-of-pocket for a medicated cycle. Yes, I know that is pennies compared to an IUI or IVF cycle, but money is money.  With us trying to buy a house, holidays coming up and just general everyday things, I could really stand to save those pennies right now.

But when I asked Randy his opinion, he was very much in favor of continuing for at least another cycle. So as soon as AF decides to show her face, it’ll be back to the RE’s office. 🙂

Until then, have a great weekend, everyone!

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3 thoughts on “Makin’ lemonade

  1. I love your outlook. I try to always remember that all the bad stuff makes the good stuff that much better. Hoping good things are coming your way!

  2. WOW that’s a lot to handle! I’m glad you’ve got a good outlook on it and you’ll definitely be more prepared next month. Sorry about the BFN 😦 Hopefully it’s the last one!

  3. Susan Jackson says:

    Lindsey, when we first started trying to have a family, fertility treatments were still covered under insurance. So you know that was a long time ago. It is so frustrating and so emotional. When we decided to go the adoption route, things just all went into place. I wish you the very best with your efforts. I would have LOVED to have carried my own baby. But Will grew in my heart and I am convinced he was supposed to be ours. As for your house, it will all work out according to His plan. Be patient, and pray. Susan Jackson

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