Two steps forward (Part 2)

Taking a break from cleaning house to give y’all a final update on Randy’s semen analysis.

Apparently, my husband has super sperm. πŸ˜›

When I talked to the IVF coordinator her exact words were, “This is a very, very good sample.”

No need to go into all of the numbers, but let’s just say I was quite surprised and happy with those she relayed to me. The swimmers are swimming forward. They are the size/shape they should be. The percentage of active sperm was within normal parameters; however, she did say we could repeat the test in three weeks with fewer days in between sexual activity and providing the sample. If we want to, of course.

At this point, though, I really don’t see the need. If the HSG test shows my tube is open and we still have trouble conceiving, then we’ll talk about addressing motility (and my hormones, I guess??).

While I’m so glad everything is okay with him, I can’t help this nagging insecurity I’ve been struggling with for several years. An insecurity that has only been magnified by our trouble conceiving.

My husband has an 18-year-old son from a previous relationship. A son he didn’t meet until the child was 13. Although it’s a VERY long story, let me assure you Randy and his son have spent the last five years getting to know each other. He calls Randy “Dad” and, as far as I can tell, they really enjoy being around each other. So it’s all good!

I’ve written before about how the first appointment with our RE was like living in a nightmare. As if learning I may lose my one remaining fallopian tube wasn’t shocking enough, it also brought to the surface feelings from several years ago …

What if my body is the reason we can’t have a biological child? What if Randy never gets to experience all he missed out on with his oldest?

I know it’s no one’s fault. It’s not like we did anything to cause these issues. It’s just our journey – not as easy as some, but not as difficult as others.

At the same time, I think the insecurities I mentioned above are natural for ANYONE (male or female) facing uncertainties with their fertility. That’s why there are therapists in this world … and I have a good one. I highly recommend finding one. πŸ˜‰

So, I want to know. What insecurities do you have? How did/do you face them?

P.S. Don’t think for a minute I’m sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I’m not. I fully believe we’ll be parents one day whether it’s through natural conception, IVF or adoption. Sometimes it’s just important to start a conversation. πŸ˜‰

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2 thoughts on “Two steps forward (Part 2)

  1. I have the same insecurities that your facing. In fact reading yours brought tears to my eyes because I know we *shouldnt* feel like it’s our fault… But there are those moments where you just want to have something to blame- even if its your own body. It sucks but your right it’s part of the journey specific to each of us! Thinking of you glad the SA came back super πŸ™‚

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