Lover All Alone

**The title of this post is a bit dramatic, but it was all I could come up with. ;-)**

Today’s post is going to be short and sweet (I think).

Some blog posts flow freely from my brain to my fingers, while others take days to write. For those that fall into the latter category, it’s usually because I never want to sound like an arrogant ass when describing my emotions. Other times it’s because I can’t quite find the words to describe my feelings. This post is a hybrid of both.

I’ve kind of adopted my friends’ kids as “nieces and nephews” and, when invited, I always make sure to attend their birthday parties. I mean, what “auntie” wouldn’t want to celebrate with them?

This past Sunday I joined a five-year-old, his friends and their parents for a bowling party.

You haven’t seen excitement until you’re surrounded by children who all want to roll six-pound bowling balls down the lanes at the same time. Trust me.  🙂

As I was waiting in line with one “niece,” another was vying for my attention. I felt both loved and overwhelmed. I didn’t know how to pay attention to both of them at the same time – and it really bothered me. That’s probably one of the reasons why I’ve said from the beginning I only want one child.

As the party went on, I found myself being an extra set of eyes for the other parents. Wanted or not, I warned one child not to put his hand in the ball return; I grabbed ahold of swinging doors when I saw a little girl stick her hand in between them. I helped wipe up spilled soda and clean off a little girl’s bowling shoes.

I loved doing those things because it’s what I do. It’s part of who I am. I wouldn’t be me if those maternal instincts didn’t appear in these social settings. I just wouldn’t. And that would make me sad.

However, as the only adult there without a child, I also felt so lonely.

And that’s a bitter pill to swallow at ANY point during the process of trying to conceive.

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5 thoughts on “Lover All Alone

  1. Hi Lindsey! I’m visiting from Risa’s blog and I just wanted to say, I loved your guest post. Best of luck going forward–and the HSG isn’t that bad!

  2. I know this feeling well. I want to be close to my “neices and nephews” but at the same time it can be hard to not withdraw because of my own fears and insecurities. Wishing you the best.

    • Lindsay says:

      Oh Kasey, I hear you. It’s a constant internal battle. Thank you for visiting! I look forward to reading your blog when I get home! ❤

  3. Followed here from Risa’s blog.
    I’ve known that feeling very well many times. I hope your husband’s swimmers test well and your tube is clear so that you don’t have to be the lone adult for very long.

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