This weekend we celebrated the wedding of my youngest brother and (now) sister-in-law. It was a WONDERFUL event and I was honored to be a part of it. 😀
Weddings, however, always create an opportunity for family and friends to pose the question, “When are you having kids?”
It’s never a matter of IF someone will ask but WHEN.
During the reception, one cousin turned to me and said, “So, Lindsay, when am I getting a new baby cousin?” Another cousin chimed in, “Yeah! When are we?”
I averted my eyes, felt my face flush, took a breath and simply replied, “I’m not really sure.”
Unfortunately, my answer didn’t suffice. The first cousin then turned to my husband and posed the same question and was greeted with the same response.
I chose the next moment to walk away from the table. It was the cowardly thing to do – especially to my husband – but I wasn’t emotionally prepared to have this conversation. This day, after all, was not about me (or my husband) and future children.
Since then, my feelings about the situation have teetered between annoyance and acceptance.
The part of me that is still angry about our situation wishes she would have responded, “I guess there will be a new cousin approximately 40 weeks after I get pregnant.”
The part of me that prefers to give people a pass, knows the question wasn’t asked maliciously. It was curiosity. Even though I am Facebook friends with both of them, I can’t assume they’ve read this blog.
Even so, it was a painful reminder of the unexpected journey we are just beginning … and that we have very little control over whether I get pregnant. It was also a reminder that many people believe having children is always a choice. Black or white. Yes or no. And it’s not.
If nothing else, what happened this weekend made me realize my husband and I need to develop a standard response to the baby-making question because “I’m not sure” isn’t going to cut it.
Given that I have a public blog, I can’t really play the, “I’d rather not talk about it” card because, clearly, I don’t mind. I’m leaning toward something along the lines of, “We can’t wait to have kids and will when the time is right.”
Of course, if that response doesn’t work and the same people continue to ask, I reserve the right to bust out, “We’re waiting until I get pregnant.”
Happy Monday, ya’ll! 😉