“When are you having kids?”

This weekend we celebrated the wedding of my youngest brother and (now) sister-in-law. It was a WONDERFUL event and I was honored to be a part of it. 😀

Weddings, however, always create an opportunity for family and friends to pose the question, “When are you having kids?”

It’s never a matter of IF someone will ask but WHEN.

During the reception, one cousin turned to me and said, “So, Lindsay, when am I getting a new baby cousin?” Another cousin chimed in, “Yeah! When are we?”

I averted my eyes, felt my face flush, took a breath and simply replied, “I’m not really sure.”

Unfortunately, my answer didn’t suffice. The first cousin then turned to my husband and posed the same question and was greeted with the same response.

I chose the next moment to walk away from the table. It was the cowardly thing to do – especially to my husband – but I wasn’t emotionally prepared to have this conversation. This day, after all, was not about me (or my husband) and future children.

Since then, my feelings about the situation have teetered between annoyance and acceptance.

The part of me that is still angry about our situation wishes she would have responded, “I guess there will be a new cousin approximately 40 weeks after I get pregnant.”

The part of me that prefers to give people a pass, knows the question wasn’t asked maliciously. It was curiosity. Even though I am Facebook friends with both of them, I can’t assume they’ve read this blog.

Even so, it was a painful reminder of the unexpected journey we are just beginning … and that we have very little control over whether I get pregnant. It was also a reminder that many people believe having children is always a choice. Black or white. Yes or no. And it’s not.

If nothing else, what happened this weekend made me realize my husband and I need to develop a standard response to the baby-making question because “I’m not sure” isn’t going to cut it.

Given that I have a public blog, I can’t really play the, “I’d rather not talk about it” card because, clearly, I don’t mind. I’m leaning toward something along the lines of, “We can’t wait to have kids and will when the time is right.”

Of course, if that response doesn’t work and the same people continue to ask, I reserve the right to bust out, “We’re waiting until I get pregnant.”

Happy Monday, ya’ll! 😉

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4 thoughts on ““When are you having kids?”

  1. Christine says:

    I think your answer is just right. I’m sure the questions weren’t malicious, as you said. It’s human nature. It started for us as soon as we got married (like literally at the wedding!) and didn’t stop until we announced we were pregnant with Conner.

    As soon as Conner was about a year old, people started wanting to know when we were going to have more kids, and talking about Conner NEEDING a sibling and us NEEDING to expand our family. We answered “when the time is right for us”.

    After the miscarriage, people stopped asking. They were afraid to ask, I think.

    Now that we have Addison, and have indicated that we might like to try for one more, we get the “Don’t you know how that happens yet?” and “Wow, you have your hands full.” My personal favorite is “Why do you need another one, you have one of each and they only come in two flavors?”

    People always have an opinion, comment, question, etc. Our generation and those younger than us have lost a lot of tact due to the digital world where everyone shares everything and that there are no secrets.

    I have come to accept that we cannot control others’ actions, only our reactions to them… and your reaction to this repeated question was perfect. Great job, girl!

    • Lindsay says:

      Thanks, Hollie! I turned 33 this year. Still plenty of time! 🙂 Even though there are frustrating moments, overall my attitude is extremely positive.

      • Gotcha! Was just wondering how close in age we are just for comparison sake. I thought I was much older for some reason…I turn 35 this year. At least you are attached! I will probably be 40 and trying to get pregnant!

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